I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
