NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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