Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
