He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
