i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
