Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
