if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize