I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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