I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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