Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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