I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
