What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
