So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
