he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
