It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want her autograph on my taint
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I touched a dick in church today
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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