Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
