wakey wakey hands off snakey
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize