hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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