can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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