if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
