Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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