Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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