He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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