I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
