What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
