fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
