I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
