I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
