I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my shit smells like andre
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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