She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
