If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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