That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
