I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
