Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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