Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Floor bacon is actually really good
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
