I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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