I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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