We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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