I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
