Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
