So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we're making bets on your personal life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
