Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
