I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
