There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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