guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you would pick up someone in the library
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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