Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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