It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
