You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
