Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
