If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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