I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
