Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
