I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
