Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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