I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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