Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
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