i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
