Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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