I intend to get homeless drunk
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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