wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
