dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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