U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
