Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
