that's an acceptable place to lick
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
