Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
