Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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