i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
