I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
