normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
