so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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