I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
