What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
