Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The uberlube is also flammable
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
