I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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